I have a good friend, John, with whom I have shared some truly great expeditions with. He is an executive coach and takes people out in the wilderness for team building. I have climbed the Brandberg mountain in Namibia and completed desert ultramarathons with him over the years. So when the idea came for a father-son getaway, I knew that John had access to an uninhabited island off the coast of Scotland.
Our journey started with an hour-long boat ride to the island. It was October, so the air was fresh and it was cold! Along the way, we stopped to fish and managed to catch a few. Little did we know that the fish we had caught would be the bulk of the food we would have for the duration of our three-day trip.
As we approached the island, the excitement started to kick in. But then the captain told us that due to a low tide, Nikolai and I had to swim the rest of the way. We were about 50m out and the thought of jumping into the freezing water was daunting.
Nikolai had never swum in such cold water before so he was afraid. Luckily I had packed a wetsuit for him. We put all our clothing in our backpack and into a waterproof bag. I jumped in first and then Nikolai had to gather his courage and jump in too. The last few meters were met with a lot of emotion from Nikolai but before we knew it, we had reached the shore. Quickly we put on dry clothing and soon all the tears were in the past. The icy cold water was a shock start to the trip that I think we will never forget!
On the shore, we radioed John for our next steps. He told Nikolai to collect seaweed and mussels for dinner. Once that was done, John gave us directions and Nikolai had to use a compass to guide us to a clearing. When we arrived, John was there waiting for us prepared to give us our first lesson. John showed Nikolai how to start a fire with a fire steel and cotton wool, how to make a spark and feed it small twigs to get it started. Nikolai was so excited to learn this new bush skill and once the fire was lit I could see his face glowing with a sense of accomplishment.
Next, we had to clean the fish we had caught. Together, we learned how to gut it and then Nikolai got the chance to practise his new skill.
We needed to set up the shelter and Nikolai had an idea of where he wanted it to be. I, as his father and the leader, wanted it to be set up in a different spot. After a few minutes of voicing our difference in opinion, I began to realise something. As the leader, I felt compelled to make the decisions on this trip, but I began to realise that it did not need to be this way. I took this opportunity to allow Nikolai to make this decision and to take responsibility for this task.
The spot Nikolai chose ended up being perfect and it transformed the rest of the trip for both of us. It turned out to be a father-son adventure where we were both actively participating instead of just me telling Nikolai what to do.
From this point, I included Nikolai in making decisions within reason and when it was safe to do so. Nikolai was able to learn more as he was given the freedom to take action when he felt confident. Involving Nikolai in the decision-making process made us stronger as a team and it shaped our success for the rest of the trip.
We spent the night in our shelter and awoke to a magical sunrise, the perfect setting to start our first day on the island. John joined us as we ate breakfast, which consisted of leftover fish and cooked potatoes that had been left in the fire from the night before.
John is such an amazing storyteller, he spoke to Nikolai about his past adventures and also explained the plan for the next few days.
We started with a five-hour hike to the highest point on the island. It made me so proud that Nikolai was able to undertake this intense hike at his age. At the top, we marvelled at the scenery, the ocean and archipelagos in the distance. It was a beautiful moment to share.
We spent some time at the top of the peak and John had planned a small exercise for Nikolai and me. We were both handed a walkie-talkie, a Lego model and some loose Lego pieces. The loose Lego pieces were the pieces required to build the other person's model. We parted and used the walkie-talkies to help each other build the models.
It was an interesting activity as we had to establish a common language. We needed to decide how we were going to describe each Lego piece. In the end, we managed to build one complete model and the other model was very close with just a few pieces out of place. We then took some time to discuss the importance of establishing a common language and how even when we say the same thing, another person may understand it differently.
After our Lego building activity, we started the three-hour hike down the peak. Along the way, Nikolai had mentioned that he wanted to sleep in a cave. As he was now part of the decision-making process, and because John always got a few aces up his sleeve, we spent the night in a cave.
The next day, spirits were high and filled with excitement as Nikolai and I repelled off a 60ft cliff. It was Nikolai’s first time, so I was amazed at how he approached the situation. Nikolai instantly trusted the rope and repelled down the cliff without any hesitation. We then reached a critical point where I had to explain to Nikolai that “Every moment is important, but this section here is a part where we cannot make any mistakes”.
We had to traverse along a rocky cliff. I remember this being a scary moment for me, but I was so proud that we made it to the other side without incident. Our team spirit was high and we conquered some tough terrain together.
At this point, our hunger started to be noticeable. A few potatoes, half a bag of rice and a few fish was not enough for us for a couple of days of hard work. Our feet were wet, the ground was damp and Nikolai was getting moody. We had passed an old abandoned cottage the day before and Nikolai wanted to explore. As we approached the same cottage again John suggested that Nikolai check it out. As he opened the door a familiar smell greeted us. To our surprise and delight, Phil was inside preparing us a full English breakfast.
When Nikolai saw the food on the table, he was completely overwhelmed with emotion. The tears started to roll down his face. We all sat down and enjoyed the meal and talked about our adventures.
Feeling recharged, John, Nikolai and I still had an hour hike to the shore. We boarded the boat and we were on our way. But, there was one last surprise, the captain allowed Nikolai to steer the boat for about 10 - 15 minutes. The captain showed Nikolai the map, how to speed up and slow down. The joy on Nikolai’s face was priceless and the perfect end to a memorable father-son trip.
Reflecting on this indulgent experience with my son, I have come to learn some important lessons about being a leader.
Decentralized decision-making
Being a leader is not only about leading, but also allowing risk-taking. It is about establishing a balance between risk and letting team members make decisions. A leader should be an enabler of risk and create an environment where it is okay to take risks. Leading is about trust and giving ownership to someone else and allowing them to drive that task.
Establish a common language
Developing and establishing a common language was vital for us to be successful in our Lego building exercise. By using the same terminology we were able to build trust and understanding. A common language transformed the team’s output and reduced misunderstanding. Creating a common language within a team will improve productivity and create a sense of belonging among team members.
Shared history
The experience that we shared has connected us in a very special way. Team relationships are similar, as you confront challenges and overcome them you are creating history. Your bond becomes stronger with each risk taken, hurdle overcome and successful project. I feel very lucky to have had this adventure with my son, it will always be there with us. And as a bonus, I was taught some important lessons in life too!
